It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. For a while writing has taken a back seat to school. I started grad school last summer and am expected to graduate next summer. I’m in the middle of my first ever internship on top of still working. But I’m trying to make time to write…more likely I need to feel like making time to write.
But I still have a few weeks of winter break left. I feel well rested and ready to hit the laptop running. I have about 30k more words to go in Blue Horizon. The cover is already created and looks amazing! I just have to finish writing so we can get to the editing phase. I’ve just not had the motivation to write because I’ve been afraid to finish. I’m afraid it will suck. But I just have to do it. I always feel better emotionally and mentally when I write, I’m just afraid I’ll get stuck so I haven’t been hitting the keys too much lately. Everyone has fears and I need to start facing mine. I started hearing the “No one’s going to read this anyway…” voice in the back of my mind. But that’s not why I started writing in the first place. I do it because I enjoy it. Plus it’s cathartic. I write through emotions I have difficulty dealing with and it helps me get to a better emotional state of mind.
The negativity could also be due to my depression. This past summer I weaned myself off of my anti-depressants. That was an interesting journey as well. That could be part of the reason why my motivation has been lacking lately, but that’s still not an excuse. I need to rewrite my negative mental narrative with a more positive one. Plus I’m at a great point in Blue Horizons and don’t want to leave my characters hanging. In the back of my mind I picture them standing there in the woods where I left them, asking me, “What’s next? Where to now?” I feel like I’ve abandoned them. Probably sounds a little dramatic, but all my characters are pieces of me and I just left two of them sitting there after something incredibly stressful happened. It’s a pivotal moment in the book and I haven’t fired up my flash drive to write them out of the situation.
But on the bright side, I did make it to 50k words a few weeks ago. I could still be stuck at 30k. Progress is still progress. And I know where I want to take the story, so it’s not like I have writer’s block. And for all the stuff I have going on, I should be proud that I do still write from time-to-time, even if it isn’t as often as I hoped I would do. But that is up to me and I can change that. Everyone has the same 24 hours. We get to decide how we spend it. I need to start prioritizing my writing. I need to let go of the fear of failure and just make it happen.
I want to wish a happy new year to all my friends, family, and followers. I feel that 2019 will lead to great things for all of us! 🙂