New Year and New Life

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. For a while writing has taken a back seat to school. I started grad school last summer and am expected to graduate next summer. I’m in the middle of my first ever internship on top of still working. But I’m trying to make time to write…more likely I need to feel like making time to write.

But I still have a few weeks of winter break left. I feel well rested and ready to hit the laptop running. I have about 30k more words to go in Blue Horizon. The cover is already created and looks amazing! I just have to finish writing so we can get to the editing phase. I’ve just not had the motivation to write because I’ve been afraid to finish. I’m afraid it will suck. But I just have to do it. I always feel better emotionally and mentally when I write, I’m just afraid I’ll get stuck so I haven’t been hitting the keys too much lately. Everyone has fears and I need to start facing mine. I started hearing the “No one’s going to read this anyway…” voice in the back of my mind. But that’s not why I started writing in the first place. I do it because I enjoy it. Plus it’s cathartic. I write through emotions I have difficulty dealing with and it helps me get to a better emotional state of mind.

The negativity could also be due to my depression. This past summer I weaned myself off of my anti-depressants. That was an interesting journey as well. That could be part of the reason why my motivation has been lacking lately, but that’s still not an excuse. I need to rewrite my negative mental narrative with a more positive one. Plus I’m at a great point in Blue Horizons and don’t want to leave my characters hanging. In the back of my mind I picture them standing there in the woods where I left them, asking me, “What’s next? Where to now?” I feel like I’ve abandoned them. Probably sounds a little dramatic, but all my characters are pieces of me and I just left two of them sitting there after something incredibly stressful happened. It’s a pivotal moment in the book and I haven’t fired up my flash drive to write them out of the situation.

But on the bright side, I did make it to 50k words a few weeks ago. I could still be stuck at 30k. Progress is still progress. And I know where I want to take the story, so it’s not like I have writer’s block. And for all the stuff I have going on, I should be proud that I do still write from time-to-time, even if it isn’t as often as I hoped I would do. But that is up to me and I can change that. Everyone has the same 24 hours. We get to decide how we spend it. I need to start prioritizing my writing. I need to let go of the fear of failure and just make it happen.

I want to wish a happy new year to all my friends, family, and followers. I feel that 2019 will lead to great things for all of us! 🙂

10 Things I enjoy (and don’t enjoy) about December

I thought I’d do a holiday related post since it’s December. It will be a fun way to tell you a bit more about me. 🙂

I celebrate Christmas even though I am more pagan in my beliefs than Christian. I was baptized Protestant, and I think both my parents were, too, but my dad’s father was Catholic (so is my sister, but that’s another story). Somewhere along the way I picked up my own set of beliefs. I’ve always been big into nature and as a child felt that there were spirits in the world around me, so my spirituality began taking on a more pagan-like feel. That being said, I do believe in Jesus, but don’t believe he was born on Christmas. But I wasn’t there, so who am I to say.

At any rate…here are my 12 most (and least) favorite things about December:

Holiday Cheer List:

1) Black Friday: Every since my boyfriend, Brian, and I have been together I take his daughter, Vanessa, Black Friday shopping. We were talking the one day and she told me she had never gone before. I have fond memories of my Aunt Marie taking my cousins and I every year and thought I should continue on the tradition with Ness. She enjoyed it, so we go every year now to kick off the holiday season. With that being said…I hate shopping, but I love having an excuse to have a girls day out with Ness!

2) Bad Christmas Movies: If you’ve never watched almost every movie on the Netflix holiday list, you don’t know what you’re missing! My sister, Crystal, and I make a point every year to criticize, laugh at, and ultimately enjoy the cheesy Christmas movies on Netfix. I dare you to count how many end in a proposal!

3) Eggnog: Christmas day I always enjoy a glass of spiked eggnog with my mom. I usually enjoy regular eggnog as soon as I see it available in stores. It’s a great treat this time of year!

4) My Mom’s Butter Cookies: I guess any butter cookies are just amazing, but my mom introduced them to me so I’ll give her credit for this. I bought my own press so I can make the holiday shapes if she’s not making cookies. You can technically make butter cookies any time of the year, but I feel they taste best around Christmas.

5) Snow!: While I don’t enjoy driving in it, I think it is so pretty. I also used to snowboard every year since I was 19. Not so much lately. Before that, my sister and I used to play outside year round. In the winter, we would bundle up and venture through the woods for a walk or ice skate on my neighbor’s pond. Sometimes we would even make a fort in the culvert out front in our deep ditch. My sister and I would stay outside until our feet and fingers went numb, or my mom flashed the outside light signalling dinner was done.

Holiday Jeer List:

1) Christmas shopping: Did I mention I hate shopping? Compound that with everyone else in Western New York running to the store and my agoraphobia starts to act up. Boo!

2) Whiteouts: I don’t mean the corrective fluid for covering mistakes, I mean a legit snowstorm where you cannot see. I don’t mind watching it from inside, but if I have to drive in it I get a little stressed. Did I mention every car accident I’ve ever been in occurred in winter?

3) Cinnamon: Not much of a story here. The smell just nauseates me. And stores have a tendency to have cinnamon scented displays this time of year.

4) Bad Christmas Songs: While I enjoy bad Christmas movies, I don’t enjoy bad holiday song remakes. Bad music is always painful. It just is…

5) Getting up early: The main thing I hate about Christmas is having to get up early! I really don’t have to anymore…but you’re lucky you didn’t see me as a teen being woken up with a cowbell Christmas morning.

So I hope you enjoyed my list. I had fun writing it. We all have fond and not so fond memories of every holiday. Just grab a holiday mix pack of beer, cozy up with your loved ones on the couch, and enjoy the great things this season has to offer! There is beauty in everything if you just focus on it. 🙂

Merry Christmas, all!!!!

Who Doesn’t Love Puppy Pictures?

Meet Pup Pup (yes…his name is Pup Pup). Above is his baby picture when my boyfriend, Brian, first got him. Pup Pup, or Puppy Boy as we sometimes call him, is a Chihuahua/Dachshund mix. He is the youngest in the family at just about four-years-old. He frequently terrorizes my two Dachshunds who forget that they are much bigger than Puppy. That’s generally when we change his name to Puppy Jerk.

Every day, the three of them greet me at the door where usually Pup Pup growls at my boys for trying to get to me first. We think he has a bit of an anger management problem, but since he’s so little, it’s kind of cute. Once the boys are back inside, Pup Pup and I usually play catch for a bit. He loves chasing after toys and will be vocal if you are ignoring him when he wants you to throw his toy.

Pup Pup also loves being close to me and my boyfriend. If I am writing at the table, he will either jump in my lap (which some times makes typing difficult) or jump in the chair behind me and cuddle with my back. When we watch TV, he is usually in one of our laps, chewing on a toy. In bed, he cuddles up with my stomach and I wrap around him. We first bonded over our love of sleeping in. My boyfriend used to get up before me to go to work and would leave Puppy and I cuddling in bed. Now I get up first and am jealous of Pup Pup who is burrowed under the warm covers.

One of the highlights of my day is coming home to the boys. Their excitement over seeing me always brightens my day.

I hope you have enjoyed meeting Pup Pup. Soon I will introduce you all to Mickey and Maverick, too! I mean, who doesn’t love dog pictures? 🙂